Obama gives Tiger endorsement

CHICAGO, IL — Illinois senator and presidential hopeful Barack Obama has taken his long-time admiration for Tiger Woods to a whole new level.

A self-admitted golf enthusiast and Tiger disciple, Obama has released a statement through his official spokesman Richard Benton saying that he plans to endorse the pop-culture and sports icon in an attempt to aid Woods in obtaining the coveted Sexiest Non-Contact Sports Athlete of the Century Award, to be presented later this year. The prestigious distinction is given every 100 years by GQ Magazine.

“Senator Obama respects no one more than Tiger Woods; and that includes Bill Clinton’s wife,” Benton said before a throng of reporters Tuesday morning. “Ever since Tiger arrived on the professional golf scene, the senator has always been struck by Mr. Woods’ impressive facial features and unparalleled symmetry. In addition, it should come as no surprise that his increased admiration has coincided with Mr. Woods’ recently enhanced pectorals and upper-body region.”

Obama is reportedly confident that this decision to support Tiger, who he feels is the sexiest man ever to participate in a non-major professional sport, will drive other public figures to similar action, and take their minds away from the election. According to Benton, Mr. Obama stopped worrying about the election a couple weeks ago, but would just as soon not see any more about it on cable news stations.

If chosen, Woods would be only the second recipient of an award that was first given to renowned Russian chess player Rashid Gibiatovich Nezhemetdinov in 1908. Benton also went on to say that Obama is already planning to actively endorse Tiger in 2108, so that the future Hall-of-Famer could become GQ’s first ever repeat winner.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!