New guy in legal won’t play in NCAA pool

NEW ROCHELLE, NY — Craig Dillow only started his new gig at Henderson Technologies a few weeks ago, but he’s already off on the wrong foot with many of his coworkers.

The spat stemmed from Dillow’s announcement that he’s going to demur on entering the annual office NCAA pool, stating that it “wouldn’t be right for someone in my position to enter an illegal gambling pool.”

“As a member of the legal department of Henderson Technologies, I feel that I have an obligation not only to the company, but also to the staff, my employers, and, most importantly, myself,” Dillow said. “That obligation is to set an example, and the best way to set an example is to lead by example. So my ten bucks will stay firmly in my pocket – I will not be entering the office pool this year.”

Dillow made his announcement only after repeated pressure from office pool organizer and corporate accountant Seth Thompson.

“I asked the new dude like ten times if he wanted to be in the pool, and he never really gave me a straight answer,” Thompson said. “So eventually I go, ‘What, are you morally opposed to pools or something?’ He goes, ‘Actually, yeah.’ I was stunned. My jaw hit the floor. By the time he was telling me that they were illegal also, I was out the door.”

Rumors of the exchange spread through the office like wildfire, and were not well received by many of Dillow’s new co-workers.

“TO-TAL DOUCHE-BAG, clap, clap, clap clap clap!” bellowed Roger James, a senior vice president of finance, when he walked by Dillow’s desk. James, the defending champion of the office pool, later told SSNN that he felt like Dillon was cheating the company out of ten dollars by not participating.

But Dillow held his ground. “I don’t care what they say,” he said. “Sticks and stones, you know? All I gotta say is that I’m not going to be sitting in federal prison next week, no sir. Nope, I’ll be sitting right here at my cubicle, enjoying my God-given rights and freedoms, especially the freedom to not play in an NCAA pool.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!