NASCAR plan to have drivers drink before race fizzles

ATLANTA, GA — NASCAR CEO Bill France has been criticized by numerous organizations, including Mothers Against Drunk Driving and the Center for Substance Abuse Prevention, for his idea to set up a NASCAR race wherein drivers drink alcoholic beverages before the competition.

“Why did I want to do it? You know, just to see what would happen,” said France. “NASCAR has gone to great measures to ensure the safety of our drivers, and there would have been no more risk in this event than in driving down the highway on any Saturday night.”

France seemed to be surprised by the widespread condemnation of the plan, though he did point out that his sport’s core fanbase was largely supportive. Nevertheless, much to the disappointment of NASCAR fans around the country, he has called off the spectacle.

“I reckon it woulda been a mighty enjoyable event,” said fan Billy Brushwood. “Hell, me and my little ones like to get liquored up and race go-karts down there at the Fun World ‘musement park. Little Dale is just 11, but boy is he good at racin’ karts after a swig of President’s Choice whiskey.”

It is not known whether NASCAR faces any type of government inquiry into France’s idea, but he is already making plans for another off-the-wall event to make up for this lost opportunity.

“Yeah, I’ve got a few ideas,” he said. “My favorite is putting some deer at specific places around the infield and having the everybody hunt while driving – like for additional points. I really don’t see how it’s different from the Olympic biathlon.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!