Mortensen cell confiscated, brought to Hall

CANTON, OH — With the tears of innumerable cheese-heads and football fans around the country not yet dry after Brett Favre’s official retirement announcement, a shrine dedicated to the future Hall-of-Famer is already being constructed by the NFL.

Roger Goodell and a host of other league officials traveled to Bristol, Conn. early Saturday to confiscate the cell phone of ESPN football analyst Chris Mortensen, who broke the shocking story last Tuesday morning after Favre left the reporter a lengthy, informative voicemail saying, “he was just tired,” and could no longer make the necessary mental commitment.

“We had to have that cell phone,” Goodell told SSNN, after successfully retrieving Mortensen’s iPhone. “It was a little tough to convince Chris that we had to take his ‘livelihood’ away from him, but it was nothing a little pepper spray, tasers and chloroform couldn’t fix. After he lost consciousness I put him in a janitor’s closet so no one would see him, and we got the hell out of there.”

After the phone was secure – outside the gates of ESPN headquarters – Goodell immediately shipped it to Canton, where it will serve as the centerpiece for Favre’s individual display at the professional football Hall of Fame.

“The idea is to put the phone on one of those docks with speakers so visitors can hear the voicemail from long range,” Goodell said as he browsed through Mortensen’s text messages and photos. “We would also like to find a way where we could play the message on a loop, so we wouldn’t have to pay someone to continually press the number 7 to replay it.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!