Milwaukee accountant quits job, cites fatigue

MILWAUKEE, WI — John Dempsey, 41, a local accountant and father of three young children, walked into his boss’s office this afternoon and quit his job.

“I just went in and I told Don that I was sorry, but that I was tired, and that it was sort of time to go home,” Dempsey said. “I’ve been doing this for a long time, and it’s been great, but the fact remains that it’s time for me to hang them up. The expectations are so high for me at this point that anything that I do is a disappointment.”

Dempsey said he took his cue from Brett Favre, the Green Bay Packers QB who announced today that he’s ending his legendary career.

“Brett made a lot of good points in his press release,” Dempsey explained. “So I got to thinking. What is there left for me? Why not just call it a career, like he did, and go home and raise my kids, just like Brett? The answer is that I couldn’t find a reason not to.”

Dempsey’s wife Linda did not necessarily agree with the move. In fact, she was offended by her husband’s making such an important decision without running it by her first.

“My husband did what now?” she asked SSNN. “Because he was tired? Are you freaking kidding me? Try having three kids under the age of five hanging off of you all day long – that’s tired, you lazy bastard.”

Favre, though unwilling to discuss his own retirement, was more than willing to speak with SSNN regarding Dempsey’s decision to step down.

“Frankly, I don’t see the parallel,” the future Hall-of-Famer said. “I was a world class athlete for nearly two decades, and John’s been crunching numbers. I never took a game off, all those years, but I see here on his employee file that John has used every single sick day, personal day and vacation day since he started. I don’t want to judge anyone, but isn’t this just the case of a slacker quitting his job? I’m not sure what it has to do with me.”

But Dempsey sees things very differently, and won’t apologize for his actions.

“At the end of the day, nobody can tell me how I feel, or what I can handle,” he said. “If I say I’m too tired to keep working, then that’s how it is. Who are you – or my wife, or even Brett Favre – to say otherwise?”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!