Longhorn fans confused by new game

HOUSTON, TX — Going into Sunday’s game against Memphis, many college basketball experts predicted the Texas Longhorns would enjoy a huge hometown advantage with the game played mere hours from the school’s Austin campus. Unfortunately for the ‘Horns, things did not work out as expected.

“I was very disappointed in many facets of the game, especially the crowd,” said Longhorns head coach Rick Barnes. “I mean, we’ve been a damn good basketball team for years now and our fans still don’t understand that we’re not playing football.”

Indeed, Longhorn fans seemed to struggle to grasp the rules of basketball. Many complained about the ball being too round and the wrong color, while others spent much of the first half looking for the end zones.

As the game began to get out of hand in the second half, Barnes could be seen arguing with Longhorn fans in the crowd.

“One guy told me I needed to go to my backup quarterback,” Barnes said. “And another said I wasn’t blitzing enough. What the hell is that? This is the Elite Eight, you know?”

Longtime Longhorn fan Lenny Mendez has attended more than 20 of the team’s games this year, and like Barnes, he was very disappointed in the team’s effort.

“Vince Young was making the wrong reads all game long, and he turned the ball over way too much,” Mendez said. “And our cornerbacks – Aaron Ross and Nathan Vasher – they played like shit. Excuse my French. The Memphis receivers just pushed them around.”

Clearly, the experience had a negative effect on Barnes.

“I’m warning the Texas administration now,” he said. “The next time DJ Augustin hits a three and someone in the crowd yells, ‘TOUCHDOWN!’ I’m quitting on the spot.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!