John Daly’s friends fear golfing habit interfering with drinking, carousing

CORDOVA, TN — Friends of John Daly have expressed grave concern over the Cordova resident’s apparent preoccupation with golfing, and the toll it is exacting over his lifestyle of excessive drinking and other assorted revelry.

“I’m beginning to wonder where his priorities are,” says close friend and personal bartender Raymond “Bubba” Henderson. “It’s gotten to the point where he can barely down a half-bottle of Jack Daniels in one sitting anymore.”

According to Henderson and others, concerns reached their peak when Daly nearly missed a wet t-shirt contest scheduled the same morning as the Arnold Palmer Invitational.

“He had us worried there for a second,” claims Harmon “Bubba” Huxley. He also told SSNN that the day’s plans to engage Daly in an intervention were scrapped in favor of chasing a large pig around the parking lot of a neighborhood Hooters. But, insists a tearful Huxley, “This wasn’t the John of old.”

Daly’s friends are also worried about the impact his golf habits are having on his health. “You keep swinging a club like that, day after day, and it’s bound to do some damage to your shoulders and wrists,” says waitress Tammy “Bubba” Shields. “By the time he’s fifty, he’ll barely be able to grip a six-pack or angrily douse me with a bottle of Coors light when I announce it’s closing time. It’s sad.”

Shields, like others, is eager to add that she doesn’t pass judgment on golfing or the golfing lifestyle, but that the issue simply comes down to priorities.

“There comes a time,” she explained. “When you have to look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself what your life is really about. Is it the cheap thrills of professional golfing? Or are you after a lasting legacy to pass on to your grandkids, like tossing a trucker across the room in the midst of an after-hours bar brawl?”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!