Jeff Kent shocker: mustache has always been fake

VERO BEACH, FL — In one of the most shocking pieces of news to come out of spring training in years, SSNN has learned that Los Angeles Dodgers second baseman Jeff Kent’s mustache is fake. An exclusive source close to the player told SSNN that Kent has been living a lie his entire career, pasting the whiskers on each morning when he wakes up.

“I just felt like America had the right to know,” said the source. “So many mustachioed people look up to him, I felt like it was wrong for him to continue this charade. Basically, I was forced to tell the world. I couldn’t sleep at night knowing Jeff was a mustache fraud.”

When reached for comment, Kent strongly denied the story. “I believe this individual misremembered,” he said. When told that the source had visual evidence and had not simply been told the story, Kent did not back down, saying, “That doesn’t mean he didn’t misremember what he saw, sir.”

The American Mustache Institute released a statement today in response to the news. “We at the AMI are deeply disappointed,” the brief document read. “We held Mr. Kent in high regard for his dedication and loyalty to the cause. Unfortunately, his name will now have an asterisk next to it in our record books.”

Kent had been placed alongside individuals such as Rollie Fingers and Dale Earnhardt as some of the most elite athletes ever to sport the fashionable look. Now, Kent’s name is possibly sullied forever, and it is expected that Rep. Henry Waxman (D–CA) will open a Congressional investigation to look into the matter.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!