Green encouraged by Crystal, plans to try out at fullback

MALIBU, CA — Far be it from 60-year Billy Crystal to initiate any sort of passing Hollywood fad, but a shocking statement made by a fellow show-business employee indicates the short-lived Major League Baseball designated hitter may have influenced many with his recent spring training stint. Sources close to actor Seth Green told SSNN Thursday that the 34 year-old actor was so inspired by Crystal signing a one-game contract with the New York Yankees earlier this month that he is seriously considering pursuing his dream of playing professional football in the NFL.

Green officially confirmed the reports when he wrote a lengthy blog on his MySpace account shortly after the announcement was made. “I have always possessed a great deal of respect for Mr. Crystal, not only for being an esteemed actor, but for being an avid fan of the game of baseball despite having no perceivable athletic skill whatsoever,” said Green, who provides the voice for Chris of the popular animated series Family Guy and also played Scott Evil in the Austin Powers films. “I think we all saw evidence of that when he barely made contact against a pitcher for the Pirates, of all teams. I mean, come on.

“I appreciate Billy opening the door for the rest of us non-athletic, egotistical celebrities, but I also like to think - or, should I say, know - that I have the skills necessary to turn my love for football into a sustainable profession, not just some half-ass publicity stunt.”

Green went on to add that his lack of ideal gridiron size will not be a deterrent in the pursuit of his ultimate goal, which is attending Oakland Raiders camp in mid-July in hopes of landing a spot as the team’s starting fullback, an all but forgotten position in today’s brand of football.

“My goal is to show people out there that Seth Green really can play the game of football, and play it the old-school way. I’m looking to bring back the glory days of the NFL, when no-name guys busted skulls and got pleasure out of drilling people from the fullback position. I’m not about all this prima donna, dry-humping end zone celebration stuff,” admitted the diminutive big-screen star, who, at just a shade above 5′4”, would be the smallest fullback in NFL history by several inches and some 150 pounds. “I am confident in my ability; I know I can play. It’s just going to be a matter of convincing Lane Kiffin and his staff that they desperately need a skinny, white kid with no previous football experience to be a lead blocker.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!