Fox Sports accusing Simmons of breach of contract

CULVER CITY, CA — Animated exercise expert Richard Simmons is under fire today, as Fox Sports has filed suit against him after years of Vice President Ed Goren vehemently accusing Simmons of failing to perform the duties set forth in the contract he signed with the national sports programming giant some three years ago.

According to Goren, Simmons signed a three-year deal – worth approximately $100,000 – with Fox Sports in 2005, knowing full well he would be required to provide in-studio analysis for select major sporting events. But with less than three months remaining on the agreement, the over-energized workout guru has rarely shown his face around the Los Angeles-area office, and even then only to do cardio in the on-site gym. To date he has never appeared on a Fox broadcast.

“In the three years since both parties agreed to the terms of the contract, Richard has been a ghost. In retrospect, I should have known better than to hire some fruitcake who wears striped shorts 24/7, 365,” said Goren of Simmons, who as of now is scheduled to be instrumental in Fox’s coverage of this year’s Final Four in San Antonio. “Why I ever thought Richard Simmons would know anything about any kind of professional sport is hard to say. I guess I was just taken in by his enthusiasm.”

Simmons’ initial excitement faded fast, though; to the point where – when asked to be a part of the network’s World Series coverage – he frowned and appeared concerned before telling Goren that he “wasn’t sure he was ready to handle an international sporting event.”

“At the initial interview, he kept hopping around, doing jumping jacks and whatnot; he even wore a sweat band,” Goren said, defending the hiring. “But my love affair with Richard Simmons is over. He’s been a disaster as an employee, and now I find out from my television that he’s over at ESPN training their SportsCenter staff. I was furious – until I realized it might mean a way out of his contract.”

Fox Sports is alleging that any employment at ESPN expressly violates a non-competition clause in Simmons’ contract. As of press time, Simmons’ only comment on the suit was a set of 50 jumping jacks and a recommendation that SSNN’s intern avoid complex carbohydrates.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!