Faneca says little known skill helped in contract negotiation

LAMAR, TX — Alan Faneca recently became the highest-paid offensive lineman in NFL history when he signed a four-year contract with a Jets team that struggled mightily last season, particularly on offense. But the skills that landed the seven-time Pro Bowl selection a deal that features a $21 million signing bonus go way beyond Faneca’s invaluable leadership and heralded ability to run block.

“When I finally got the chance to sit down with Coach Mangini, he asked me whether I had any experience with video equipment - everything from high-definition cameras to hidden recording devices,” Faneca remembered. “And I was like, ‘yeah, of course; I minored in television and film production at LSU, and I received hands-on training with that sort of equipment everyday for nearly two years straight.’ But before I could even finish, he starts saying ‘let’s do this, whatever it takes.’ 21 mil in cash later, here I am.”

Faneca told SSNN that he and Mangini spent a significant portion of their Mar. 1 meeting discussing Faneca’s potential contribution to the Jets’ ground game, and the immense impact his presence could have on the team’s younger linemen. But the all-pro guard also recalls Mangini’s previously fun-loving and cordial attitude turning to one of contempt once the topic shifted to Faneca’s off-the-field intangibles.

According to Faneca, as Mangini’s intensity escalated, the Jets’ head coach began to vigorously sketch unexplained markings on his notepad and murmur, “It’s payback time, Billy,” under his breath.

“All of a sudden, he got this far-away look in his eyes, and he start tapping his fingers together-like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons. It was almost as if he became possessed by some evil spirit right then and there,” Faneca reminisced with a shiver. “I kept waiting for his eyes to roll back in his head, and his head to start spinning around, like the girl from The Exorcist.

“Here’s this man, my new head coach, staring off into space for about twenty minutes, not saying a single word while I’m just sitting there like an idiot. Finally, he came to and looked me dead in the eye and asked me if I was ready to begin fulfilling the duties of my contract. Next thing I know he’s telling me to pack my bags because I’ll be spending the next several months in the New England area for some reason. I don’t exactly appreciate being away from my family that long, but if the Jets agree to pay me $40 million, I guess I’ll do just about anything.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!