Dolphins DVD features non-fumbled handoffs, occasional yardage gain

MIAMI, FL — Dolphins ‘07!, the highlight DVD for the 2007 Miami Dolphins, hits video stores Monday and features a scintillating array of moments from the 2007 season that do not in any way bring great shame to the legacy of the organization, their fans, the city of Miami or the world of professional sports as a whole.

Arnold Holdsworth, head of the Fins’ PR department, anticipates the video’s arrival as an opportunity to dispel many myths regarding the team.

“This video vividly shows that, contrary to popular opinion among local sportswriters and fans, the 2007 Dolphins are not a blight on humanity,” Holdsworth said. “Nor are the players wastes of human space.”

As an example of the 2007 Dolphins’ reasonably non-horrendous play, Holdsworth cites a spectacular moment where running back Samkon Gado actually achieves a positive gain of four yards (prior to the yardage being negated by a holding penalty, though that is not in the video) without turning the ball over or accidentally injuring any members of his own team. “If that doesn’t quiet the naysayers, I don’t know what will.”

Among the many other riveting moments on the DVD are successful recoveries of opposing team fumbles, penalty-free possessions and several properly executed fair catches.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!