Carlesimo explains poor defensive performance

SEATTLE, WA — Seattle SuperSonics head coach PJ Carlesimo took full blame today for his team’s embarrassing 42-point loss to the Denver Nuggets last night.

“I’m not sure how to put this, but I’ve just recently found out about defense in basketball,” Carlesimo said. “I’ve been familiar with offense, but I didn’t know there was another side. Oh well, live and learn.”

Needless to say, Carlesimo has devoted no practice time to teaching defense to his players this year, which begins to explain how the Sonics could allow 168 points in a game.

“I’ve brought up defense a couple of times to coach this year,” said rookie Kevin Durant. “But he’d always get a funny look on his face and then start laughing, like it was a joke. One time I told him I was serious, and he made me run sprints.”

Carlesimo insists now that he knows about the existence of defense, he will devote more time to it.

“I guarantee our fans we won’t have another defensive performance like that this year,” he said. “Within a week, teams will be scoring no more than 130 or 140 points against us, and by next year that number could be as low as 115 points a game.”

Area businesses have also put their support in the team, most notably Starbucks. The coffee giant announced a promotion today that every time the Sonics hold an opponent under 120 points, ticket holders will be given a free cup of coffee. A spokesman with Starbucks described the promotion as ‘low risk,’ and said they don’t plan on the Sonics achieving the goal anytime this year.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!