C-Webb already making post-career plans

OAKLAND, CA — Chris Webber will go down as one of the best player’s of this generation, if not all time. But that doesn’t change the fact he’s no longer able to perform at the NBA level.

A recurring knee injury has forced the forward to announce his retirement, after playing only nine games this season with the Golden State Warriors.

Despite a stellar NBA career, the future Hall-of-Famer does not want to be known exclusively as a basketball player, according to a source close to Webber.

“Immediately after announcing his retirement, he was on the phone with MTV,” the source confided to SSNN. “He yearns to be the next Tila Tequila.”

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MTV would neither confirm nor deny the rumor, but the network did admit it was in negotiations with ‘a high-profile athlete’ about a new dating show, to debut this fall. MTV quickly added it could be any number of athletes, though, and asked SSNN whether we’ve seen Shawn Kemp lately.

The source said Webber and the network are waiting to announce their project until they can come to an agreement on the name of the show.

“MTV wanted to call it Inappropriate Timeout with C-Webb,” the source said. “Chris did not find that humorous. He wants to call it something more descriptive, like 12 Whores and a Retired Basketball Player.”

Warriors head coach Don Nelson insists Webber made no mention of his dating show aspirations in the locker room, but also said the allegations do not surprise him.

“When I coached Chris the first time around, he watched a lot of MTV,” Nellie said. “I didn’t think anything of it, he was a young guy after all. But even as a 35-year-old, the man is obsessed with that over-sexualized crap. And yes, he did seem to emulate Tila Tequila fairly often, even on the court.”

Webber was unavailable for comment, as his agent said he was busy watching Flavor of Love re-runs.