Brady changed by fatherhood, hopes for more children

BOSTON, MA — In an exclusive interview with SSNN, Tom Brady talked for the first time about what it feels like to be a father.

Brady, a three-time Super Bowl champion as quarterback of the New England Patriots, became a father for the first time last year when his ex-girlfriend, actress Bridget Moynahan, gave birth to a son. Moynahan and the child live in California.

“Well, obviously it’s changed my life in a lot of ways,” Brady told SSNN. “Of course, there’s the child support, which I call the ‘baby tax.’ It’s taken quite a chunk out of my paycheck – and like the Social Security tax, I’ll never see that money again.”

In addition to the cost, Brady says having a child has changed the way he spends much of his time. His average night during the season, for instance, is considerably altered.

“I used to spend my evenings studying film. Not the illegal film that we’ve got of the other team’s signals, because we never did that, but just normal game tape. Then during the off-season I used to just stick it to whatever model I happen to be dating. Like, constantly.”

Now, though, Brady spends at least 15 minutes one evening a month talking to his child and ex-girlfriend on the telephone. “It’s tough. I’m sacrificing a lot of my time, and long distance rates are outrageous. But it’s worth it – having a child has been such a life-changing experience.”

Brady is sad though, at the fact that the child and his mother live so far away. “That’s a long plane trip, you know? It’s hard to fit a 6-hour plane ride into my busy off-season schedule, which is full of hot chicks. Fortunately, the team usually makes a trip out there once a season.”

When asked whether he felt that a negative stigma had been attached to him since having a child out of wedlock, Brady scoffed. “I’m Tom fucking Brady. Do you know who I am? I’m the John Gotti of the NFL. Shit slides off me like I’m made of Teflon. It’s not like I’m a black guy, or in the NBA or something.”

The experience has had such an impact that Brady said he hopes to have several more children. In fact, the NFL’s MVP went so far as to say that he hopes to produce “a whole brood of little bastards,” spread out through the cities where the Patriots play.

“That way I can visit them once a year on road trips. They’re fun to play with for a few hours, plus you can take them to the park and use them to meet chicks. And I figure their lives will be great, because they’ll get to see the Pats for free all the time. So it’s a win-win for everyone, I feel.”

Although his job makes it unlikely that he’ll be able to spend much “face time” with his children over the next several years, Brady is not worried. As he sees it, he doesn’t have to be physically present for his children to learn valuable lessons and enjoy their father’s gifts.

“They can see me all they want on television. And if that’s not enough, I have a ton of copies of the DVD collections from my Super Bowl wins and the perfect regular season, so obviously each kid will get a few of those.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!