Bonner humiliated after blog deliberately misspells his name

SAN ANTONIO, TX — It all began last week, after an NBA blog ran a piece entitled The Other, More Useful Talents of the NBA’s Best Bench Warmers, a list that included San Antonio Spurs forward Matt Bonner.

The paragraph on Bonner began innocently, describing his little-known passions for Monopoly, yoga and cooking. Unfortunately for Bonner, the end of his profile included a cruel joke involving his last name: “Matt Boner [sic] is best known for his ability to get a big rise out of his teammates – to motivate better play. He really provides a lift when they’re feeling down.”

When first asked about the error, Bonner refused to comment. However, after several games of enduring heckling based on the deliberate misspelling of his last name, he admitted his frustration.

“I was upset about the name thing, yeah. I never even knew about this blog, but apparently a lot of people are reading it, because all of a sudden I’m seeing references everywhere,” Bonner told SSNN. “The other night, I saw a sign that said ‘Matt makes it Hard-On his teammates.’ Also, whoever wrote the stupid thing said Jared Jeffries makes a better popover than I do, which is outrageous and libelous.”

The Spurs are demanding that the blog run a correction of the misspelling, but so far the three Dallas Mavericks fans who run the site have refused to do so, citing their constitutional right to say what they want about people, regardless of trivialities like “consequences” or “truth.”

The Spurs front office has been flooded with phone calls both supporting and decrying the misprint. The team finally held a press conference Monday morning to address the issue, hoping to calm the storm.

“The organization regrets that this discussion needs to be had. We had hoped for higher quality control of press credentials, and we’re not sure why Matt was singled out for such childish mockery,” a spokesman read from a statement. “You don’t hear people like A-Rod or Pujols being mocked for their names, though both of those names have fantastic possibilities for toilet humor. That’s what we want for Matt, and all our players – for people to recognize the game, not the name. The Spurs hope a mature understanding can be met, before further action becomes necessary.”

The author of the story, who spoke on condition of anonymity, pithily defended her viewpoint – “Come on, boner? It’s a funny word. Haven’t you ever seen Growing Pains?”

While SSNN’s research staff was initially skeptical, it seems that general public sentiment agrees. Ten out of ten people, interviewed at random on the street, laughed after being approached with a sign reading “BONER.” All went on to confirm that Bonner really does get it up for his team.

“Well, the article did make me smile. And besides, it was complimentary. He is incredibly supportive of his teammates, and they rave about his popovers,” one Spurs fan said. “He’s a man who knows his role, and lets the others take the lead on doing the things he can’t do. Like basketball.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!