Berman family regrets letting Chris deliver eulogy

NEW YORK — The family of famed ESPN broadcaster Chris Berman is still reeling from a shocking, profanity-laced rant he delivered during the eulogy of his Aunt Jane on Sunday. Onlookers described it as “embarrassing,” and “surprising – especially considering his reputation for keeping his composure during technical problems.”

The event began innocently enough, with Berman – attired in a respectful, black ESPN blazer – offering highlights from the life of his aunt, “Calamity” Jane Berman. But things went disastrously awry when three grandsons of the deceased obscured the view of the podium by running around in play.

“Goddamnit! Can’t everybody stop for ten minutes?” screamed a livid Berman. “Is that when everybody has to move, when I’m trying to concentrate?! Jesus! I’m sorry to explode, but it’s like no one’s ever been to a funeral before.”

After an awkward silence, Berman resumed the eulogy. But according to many in attendance, the damage was already done.

“We liked the part where he was telling sweet stories about Aunt Jane’s life,” Herschel Berman told SSNN. “The part with the ranting and screaming and swearing we didn’t like so much. And it just went on, and on, and on. I really think the rest of us could have dealt with the kids being a little antsy if Chris hadn’t drawn so much attention to it.”

Segments of the eulogy (videotaped by Berman’s nephew Jason) have surfaced on the internet despite the Berman family’s attempts to block it. Berman would not comment on the incident, besides to say that “fucking amateurs have no place at a Berman family funeral.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!