Superman showboating at NBA event while world conflicts continue

NEW ORLEANS, LA — Despite the fact that he had previously only been seen in comic books and a series of movies, Superman was finally spotted in real life, appearing in New Orleans at the NBA All-Star Weekend’s Saturday night for round one of the annual slam dunk contest.

While it had always been assumed that Superman was caucasian, it was revealed during the contest that he is in fact African-American, and also has a lucrative endorsement deal with Adidas.

As Pakistanis vote in a pivotal election that will shape the future of their country in the wake of the assassination of exiled Benazir Bhutto, Kosovo declares its independence with violence continuing to ravage its cities, and bloodshed and disease continue to run rampant in Africa, Superman remained pre-occupied with how best to top fellow competitors in finding creative ways to slam a basketball through a hoop. Though he did bring the fans packing the New Orleans Arena to their feet, some have questioned whether the Man of Steel’s motives are truly as pure as his comic book-based history suggests.

“I don’t want to point fingers, believe me,” said US President George W. Bush when reached for comment about Superman’s brief emergence. “But I’ve always considered Superman to be a sort of naturalized American citizen – he never officially took the test, but he spent almost his whole life here, defending our values and rights. All I’m saying is that we all thought he was dead, and if he’s gonna pop back into the public eye, we could sure use a little help with this Iraq thing. Not that there’s a real problem over there, but a little smoothing around the edges would certainly help.”

But given his behavior, there was no indication that Superman intends to get back into the “saving the world” game. In fact, Dwight Howards says his one-time favorite hero bamboozled him.

“Yeah, I let him borrow my jersey. He said he had this great idea for a dunk where he flies above the rim and just throws the ball through the hoop,” Howard explained. “He said he’d let me take the credit, so I figured it’s a win-win – I get to help my childhood hero experience his dream, and he helps me claim my rightful place as the best dunker in basketball. Then he goes and exposes his costume and puts on his cape? Bastard. And before I could beat his sorry ass, he’s just gone.”

According to Howard, following the scoring for his dunk Superman vanished as quickly as he had appeared. The young Magic star emphasized that his final-round dunks were not Superman-assisted.

“The thing where I tapped it off the backboard to myself and then dunked, that was all me. And the whole mini-hoop? Totally my idea. It’s not like it wasn’t a legitimate win. Plus, he let me keep the cape. So I guess altogether it wasn’t a total loss.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!