Smith reveals man-crush on Allen Iverson now legal separation

BRISTOL, CT — Stephen A. Smith told Serious Sports News Network yesterday that his long-time, obsessive man-crush on Allen Iverson is now a legal separation, due to the volatile anchor having fallen “crazy, totally and completely bananas in love with LeBron James.”

“Allen was my first love, and I’m never gonna forget him,” said Smith, a columnist for the Philadelphia Inquirer in addition to his TV duties with ESPN. “But Allen isn’t here in Philadelphia anymore, and so I guess it’s one of those ‘out of sight, out of mind’ type of things.”

Smith said that at first, when Iverson moved to Denver, the pair had resolved to keep their relationship steady.

“I wanted to be with Allen,” Smith said. “We used to still talk on the phone sometimes. I’d stay up really late to watch the West Coast games, so I could see him play. But it just wasn’t the same. The time difference really took a toll on us.”

The other thing, Smith said, is that Iverson appears no closer to a championship out west with the Nuggets than he did in Philadelphia. “I saw the standings the other day, and they were, what, the seventh or eighth seed?” Smith asked. “That’s basically what he was doing with Philly all those years. So it’s like, he left me to go out and chase his dreams, and he’s not even really chasing his dreams? So I said, ‘Screw it,’ and I went out and found myself a new guy.”

Smith said that, aside from being in the same time zone, his new crush is a “tall, humble, debonair and extremely unselfish player who still has a lot of the tattoos and urban attire that I love in my basketball players.”

“I will never find another Allen, that much is true,” Smith said. “But I don’t need another Allen. I’ve got my Bron Bron now, and can’t nobody take him away from me – not even the Lakers.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!