McNamee found unconscious with baseball-sized head wound

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In another shocking twist in the Roger Clemens steroid case, material witnesses and former trainer Brian McNamee was found unconscious in the court bathroom after giving his testimony before the congressional committee.

McNamee was face-down under one of the sinks, with a baseball sized lump on the back of his head. There were no witnesses to the incident, but a source close to the investigation said detectives are suspicious that Roger Clemens may be behind the attack.

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While Clemens had no comments about the attack on McNamee other than bouts of muffled laughter at the description of the injury, the pitcher’s attorney did issue a statement.

“Mr. McNamee must have fallen in the bathroom and hit his head on some baseball shaped object, causing the head wound,” Clemens lawyer Rusty Hardin assured media members. “That this was a perfectly plausible explanation that would hold up in court if any ludicrous charges were filed against Mr. Clemens for assault.”

Questioning Clemens’ friend and former teammate Andy Pettitte about Clemens’ aggressive past only led to more confusion. Pettitte continually denied knowing anything about the courtroom attack, and the only insight into the strange situation came when Pettitte ended the interview with an ominous, barely audible whisper:

“He sees everything… help… me.”