McMahon setting aside match for ‘View’ cast

STAMFORD, CT — If there is any question whether professional wrestling is, indeed, fake – as most of the American public accepts – the lovely ladies of The View will soon find out the answer.

WWE Chairman Vince McMahon is expected to make an official announcement on Thursday that he intends to feature all five cast members of the popular daytime talk show in his corporation’s long-running pay-per-view event, WrestleMania. Though he would not elaborate on the decisions that his corporate team made regarding the specifics of the match, McMahon was willing to share the list of possibilities that were considered.

“First off, let me just say what an honor it will be to have these fine – and I do mean fine – women at WrestleMania XXIV. In less than five weeks, in beautiful central Florida, the ladies of The View will step into the ring and show their goods, so to speak,” McMahon told SSNN in an exclusive interview. “One of the ideas we came up with was to let Whoopi, Elisabeth, Joy and Sherri duke it out Royal Rumble-style in the Elimination Chamber, with Star Jones as a guest referee. Another was a ‘ladder’ match, where a cut-out of Rosie O’Donnell’s head would be suspended over a steel-walled ring, and the first lady to climb the side and grab it wins. We even considered what we like to call a ‘midget match,’ but I won’t get into the details of that one. Point being, we really put a lot of thought into this.”

When asked where The View’s fifth and final cast member, program founder and esteemed journalist Barbara Walters, fits in to the grand scheme of things, McMahon was uncharacteristically coy in his explanation.

“At this point, we haven’t made a final decision and I’d rather not share too much,” McMahon said. “But I will say that we intend to involve Mrs. Walters in an event that showcases her overwhelming elegance and sophistication – like a bra-and-panties match with The Nature Boy Ric Flair; or maybe a first blood match against the Undertaker. Believe me, it’ll be all class.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!