Main Menu

Home	About
Briefs	Features
Submit	MySpace
Facebook	NSR
Contact	Mad-Libs
Archives	Gallery
Sponsors	Advertise
Subscribe	Jobs

Go to Vividseats.com to get all hard-to-find Sports Tickets, including all NCAA Football Tickets , Basketball Tickets , Baseball Tickets , College Basketball Tickets , Tennis Tickets , PGA Tickets, NASCAR Tickets, NFL Tickets , and Super Bowl Tickets.

Get free NFL picks from PicksNFL.com
Wunderdog Sports is your source for football picks Get free football picks at TopTenCappers.com

Ticket Solutions
Sports Tickets
NFL
Baseball
Super Bowl
World Series
NCAA Tournament

See the DC United Playoffs with MLS tickets. All your other favorite sports events tickets are also at RazorGator.

Cheap Premium Tickets.com
Get tickets to your favorite sporting events including New York Giants tickets, Pittsburgh Steelers tickets, Detroit Red Wings tickets, Los Angeles Lakers tickets, San Francisco Giants tickets and more.

News Item

Knight hired by MLB umpire union to enforce “original” strike zone

NEW YORK, NY — So much for Bobby Knight taking that much-deserved vacation he’s been savoring. Only days after the former Texas Tech basketball coach agreed to be an analyst for ESPN during the upcoming NCAA Tournament, SSNN has learned Knight has officially accepted a proposal made by the Major League Baseball umpire’s union to serve as the group’s acting commissioner during the 2008 season.

Spokesman Lamell McMorris said the union knew it had its man even before Knight conceded his post at Texas Tech on Feb. 4, and he believes Knight is the only person capable of performing the task at hand.

“We, the union, are extremely pleased to have Mr. Knight aboard and stand confident in his ability to resurrect the game of baseball’s integrity, which has been severely compromised,” McMorris told reporters Friday. McMorris and the union have asked Knight to spearhead an effort to improve the presently wretched state of baseball by supervising and executing what McMorris refers to as a “complete overhaul of the strike zone.”

“Steroids are not the issue here, people. The only effect steroids are proven to have is shrinking a player’s testicles. The problem lies in the game’s teen tiny strike zone. That’s why all these ‘nobodies’ are hitting so many home runs. For Christ’s sake, I could hit a crotch-level fastball. It’s not that hard. Try hitting a ball thrown at your nose.”

Knight’s main responsibility will be ensuring that each and every MLB umpire understands the new strike zone – which extends from a player’s nose down to his mid-shin area – prior to opening day, and consistently enforces it throughout the season. Also, as McMorris explained, any non-compliance on the part of an umpire will result in whatever punishment deemed necessary by Knight himself.

“We are well aware of Mr. Knight’s prowess as a teacher and mentor, as well as his ability to get his point across. The union is willing to allow Bobby to use any and all resources at his disposal to effectively carry out swift justice should an umpire fail to conform to these changes,” McMorris said with wry smile. “Lie detector tests, wire taps, torture – it’s all fair game. I wouldn’t mind seeing someone with a tight strike zone – say, Tim McClellan – be electrocuted for not following the rules. You know, like something you would see on 24.”

McMorris declined to disclose the names on the “long list of candidates” for the position ultimately won by Knight, but it is believed that some inside the union made a strong push for actor Keifer Sutherland, who plays Counter Terrorist Unit special agent and torture extraordinaire Jack Bauer on Fox’s Emmy award-winning drama.

If you’re new here, you may want to subscribe to our newsletter or RSS feed and get hilarious sports news every day. Thanks for visiting!

Labels: 24, Bobby Knight, Keifer Sutherland, Lamell McMorris, MLB, NCAA basketball, strike zone, Tim McClellan, umpires

Posted on February 29th, 2008

Share This Post

Got a headline idea? Click here to submit it... and be sure to visit our MySpace and/or Facebook pages!

Other Related News Items

• Knight retired due to normal blood pressure (February 5, 2008)
• Knight excited for opportunity to verbally abuse wife, grandchildren (February 6, 2008)
• First unanimous vote elects steroids to Hall (February 27, 2007)
• NBA threatened by writers strike (November 8, 2007)

Link To This Post

<a target="_blank" href="http://www.serioussportsnewsnetwork.com/2008/02/knight-hired-by-mlb-umpire-union-to-enforce-original-strike-zone.html" title="Knight hired by MLB umpire union to enforce “original” strike zone">Knight hired by MLB umpire union to enforce “original” strike zone</a>

Comments

Be the first to leave a comment on this story below...

Leave A Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

        

Subscribe to SSNN's Newsletter

Enter your Email

Check Out These Classics

• Raiders can’t find Warren Sapp, are concerned
• Alex Rodriguez to become singles hitter, will work on it during playoffs
• EXCLUSIVE: Pittsburgh Pirates now hiring for all positions
• Heat accept Riley’s offer to suit up
• Jones confident plans to “smoke myself retarded” won’t affect reinstatement

Multimedia News

The Truth About Kimmel

Jimmy Kimmel has been lying to us all along!

View Multimedia Archives...

Photo Gallery

Visit our Gallery for a full listing of images...

Featured News

• Cowell receives surprising position at ESPN
• Zimmerman’s success traced to Craigslist
• Harrison admits to vigilante activities
• Neuheisel, Carroll engage in wrestling match over recruit
• Horses attack jockeys with whips
• Older Featured News...

News In Brief

• NCAA to strip UCLA of at least seven titles
• Paige fervently contesting Around the Horn record
• Earnhardt regrets decision not to enter race
• Knight excited for opportunity to verbally abuse wife, grandchildren
• Clemens tells Congress same story as 60 Minutes, press
• Older News In Brief...

Get Free Sports Picks including March Madness Picks, Sports Betting Strategy and the 2008 March Madness Bracket From Doc's College Basketball handicappers

Want CHEAP sports tickets? From NASCAR tickets to WWE tickets, or Red Sox tickets, Final Four tickets to discount Super Bowl tickets, find great deals on all kinds of event tickets here.

Sports fans may not always be serious about their news, but they're serious about their tickets. For NBA Playoffs tickets or Raptors tickets in Toronto, or Cowboys tickets online, CTC has a serious selection of the best sports tickets on the web. Get NY Giants tickets and sold out Super Bowl tickets too!

Serious Online Sports Betting at BetUS - America's favorite Sportsbook. Bet on any sport - football, tennis, UFC, golf or basketball.

Pickspal.com
Football Picks
College Football Picks

Our Friends
Chicago Sports Review
Petition Nation
Arcade Popular Online Games
More Popular Online Games
UsJobsFromHome.com
Webmaster Adventure.com

MTC Tickets
Sold Out Events Tickets
Justin Timberlake Tour
American Idol Seats
Broadway Theater Tickets
Sold Out Sports Tickets
Hot Concert Tickets
March Madness Tickets

Golf is at its finest with Masters Tickets, while other historically important Sports Tickets like the Kentucky Derby Packages, and NFL Super Bowl Tickets are always hard to come by!