Goodell: “I can out-commish Bud Selig in my sleep”

“Pacman Jones? Tank Johnson? Yeah, I dealt with both of those dudes in my first month on the job, and they’re basically both model citizens now,” Goodell insisted. “Do you even remember how quickly I dealt out fines with the Spygate scandal in New England? Well, it was super fast. Almost as fast as I burned those tapes in the fireplace in my private office. Let’s just say that if my sport was overrun with steroids, there wouldn’t be a bunch of needles and other hard evidence lying around. I’d light that shit on fire before I let congress get their grubby little paws on it.”

Calls to Mr. Selig and his agent concerning Mr. Goodell’s comment were not returned. Sen. Specter, however, was infuriated by Goodell’s audacity.

“I’ve spent virtually all my time on this Patriots thing for the last several months, and I am offended by Commissioner Goodell’s attitude of superiority. I’m in Congress, for Christ’s sake; do you even realize how many other things I could be doing? Iraq, our failing economy… The list goes on and on,” Specter told SSNN. “But I chose to spend my time investigating the NFL, and now this Goodell thinks he’s better than me? I swear to God, if I had the power to punish him, I’d really stick it to that guy.”

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Labels: Arlen Specter, Bud Selig, MLB, New England Patriots, NFL, Pacman Jones, Roger Goodell, Tank Johnson, US Congress, Videogate

Posted on February 19th, 2008

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