Doctor diagnoses Schilling with “blogger’s shoulder”

BOSTON, MA — According to reports today, Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling is once again experiencing shoulder problems and will likely miss at least half of the 2008 season. The injury, a partially torn rotator cuff, will not require surgery.

For the first time in his life, Schilling was unavailable for comment. However, SSNN staff doctor Heathcliff Huxtable said he has seen similar injuries in the past, and that he believes Schilling is afflicted with what is more commonly known as “blogger’s shoulder.”

“I get a couple of cases a month just like Mr. Schilling’s,” Dr. Huxtable explained. “It’s usually not athletes, though – more like geeky sports fans. They come in complaining about shoulder pain, and they always use annoying sports guy lingo. They say stuff like ‘Doc, I’ve got a bad wing,’ or they talk about missing their turn in the rotation. It’s pretty pathetic.”

Huxtable said the injury likely came from Schilling over-using his right middle and ring fingers.

“The ‘i-l-l-i’ section in ‘Schilling’ is dangerous for a guy who blogs as much as he does,” he explained. “In the profession we call that the death combo. You know, because you have to hit all those letters on the keyboard with the one hand. Are you familiar with QWERTY?”

Sam Young, a Red Sox fanatic and regular contributor to ARodIsGay.wordpress.com, described the news as devastating.

“I’m wicked depressed,” Young said. “38pitches is the one of the only things that gets me through the offseason.”

Young said he’s suffered through blogger’s shoulder twice in the past year, but that he was still able to post every day. He added he’s confident Schilling will be able to do the same.

“You just have to concentrate and fight through it,” Young said. “That or just type with your left hand. But if Schill can pitch with a bloody sock, he can blog through anything.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!