Cubs to forfeit year after seeing Mets roster

CHICAGO, IL — After steroid talk dominated the baseball headlines for weeks, the emphasis began to shift to the upcoming season when pitchers and catchers reported to spring training for several MLB teams, including the Chicago Cubs.

Ryan Dempster made early camp headlines when he predicted – as so many have over the last 100 years – that the Cubs would win the World Series. But after Lou Piniella’s Thursday morning statements, that prediction now looks to be impossible.

The notoriously emotional skipper dropped a bombshell on the press when he announced that the Cubbies will forfeit the 2008 season.

“I was just paging through the rosters of NL teams, just doing some preliminary, on-paper scouting. When I got to the New York Mets, I was dumbfounded. How do you assemble a stacked team like that? I mean, we dish out a lot of money here in Chicago, but our GM always makes sure to sign at least a couple players who are two or three years past their prime. Or if not past their prime, at least with attitude problems and bad knees. Generally that’s enough to keep us just short of the cusp of greatness, and I’ve been OK with that so far. But this Mets’ roster is just ridiculous – I mean, what’s the point?”

Cubs third basement Aramis Ramirez defended Pinella’s decision when he explained the players perspective.

“We all sat down and came to a collective decision that it would be best for everyone if we just took this year off, instead of limping into the playoffs to be finished off by a legitimate contender like the Mets; or worse, a non-legitimate contender like the Diamondbacks. This will give all of us some quality time to spend with our kids, do some charity work and locate third world pharmacies where we can purchase human growth hormone under the radar.”

Season ticket holders and other fans who were eagerly awaiting spring training, are already voicing their displeasure with the decision to cancel a season simply because the team doesn’t believe it can compete with the Mets.

“2008 was going to be the year. It was going to be the one hundred year anniversary of the last time we won the World Series. What better year to win it than this?” asked fan Tilda Swimmer. “I mean, I dropped five grand on season tickets. I’m going to be a Royals fan from now on – at least they’ve won a championship in the last thirty years.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!