Charges dropped against Curry, incident ruled self defense

CHICAGO, IL — When Chicago Bulls second-round draft pick JamesOn Curry was arrested and charged with misdemeanor counts of urinating in public and resisting arrest on Jan. 18 in Boise, Idaho, it seemed to be an open-and-shut case. Two weeks later, those charges have been dismissed as new evidence explaining Curry’s behavior has come to light. “After speaking to Mr. Curry and several witnesses, our investigation has determined that he acted in what can only be described as an appropriate way to an imminent threat,” Boise police lieutenant Adam Strander told SSNN. “Though he was not apprehended by police, a number of persons who were present at the scene have confirmed Mr. Curry’s story that R&B singer R. Kelly had been threatening him all night. Or rather, that Mr. Curry felt threatened by Mr. Kelly’s unwanted advances.” Strander would not give any further details from the investigation, but a source inside the Boise police station said witness reports confirmed that just before Curry was collared, Kelly was serenading the young Bull with Dave Chappelle’s satirical Kelly cover, “Piss on You.” “Now, obviously I wasn’t there,” the source told SSNN. “But JamesOn is a pretty young looking guy – I mean, he doesn’t look 14, but he looks pretty young. I can’t say I wouldn’t have been scared in that situation. I guess he just figured, fight fire with fire, you know?”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!