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News Item

Berman: “Me or the Internet”

BRISTOL, CT — ESPN is scrambling today after a fiery Chris Berman told executives that he was thinking about leaving his post with the company after nearly 30 years.

“At ESPN we have an advisory committee where we listen to people’s thoughts about major decisions, and then we decide on them,” said Stuart Scott, a member of ESPN’s advisory committee, who witnessed the incident. “Chris – he kinda thinks of himself as his own advisory committee. So he came to our meeting this week and declared that we had a choice to make. He said, ‘You can choose me, or you can choose the Internet, but you can’t have both.’ Then he told us we have until Friday to decide and just stormed out of the meeting.”

The grievance largely emanates from a recent series of PR snafus that have bothered the long-time sportscaster, many of which have been exacerbated by the Internet.

First, there was the now infamous “You’re with me, Leather” story, which launched a thousand jokes and potentially even threatened Berman’s marriage. Then, most recently, a series of old Monday Night Football outtakes have depicted the plump anchor as a boorish, foul-mouthed, would-be Don Juan with an extremely inflated personal image.

Finally, over the past 10 years, ESPN’s commitment to developing the Internet and embracing technology has marginalized the celebrity of the network’s on-camera talent, while making the company leaner, meaner, and ultimately more successful.

“Just tell me what good ever came of the Internet, and I’ll drop the matter right away,” Berman said when reached by SSNN for comment on his demands. “You obviously can’t tell me anything, because nothing good ever came of it. The Internet is just a place where people go and do terrible things to other people, like post private videos of them sharing special, personal moments with cute, young production assistants, or tell stories about them picking up smoking hot spring training sluts in Arizona. The Internet never solved anyone’s problems or made anyone’s life easier. The Internet has not ended the War in Iraq, and it has not solved global warming. And it’s not like you can use it to have fun, either. I mean, seriously, what good does this do for us?

“At ESPN, also, it’s even worse,” Berman continued. “People are constantly talking about the Internet this, the Internet that. It’s ridiculous. Almost every day, I get an email that I have to respond to. And I’m always getting meeting invites that go directly on my calendar on my computer. But you know what? My calendar on my computer is too fucking stupid to write the meeting notices into my little black date book. So how the hell am I going to know when the goddamn meeting is? Whatever happened to just leaving my messages with some hot little secretary? The Internet is definitely not one of the Top Ten plays in the past 30 years.”

poll-614.php” method=”post”>

Should ESPN keep Chris Berman or the Internet?
	They should keep the Internet! It’s here to stay!
	They should keep Chris Berman, of course. Who needs the Internet?
View Results & Comments

The extent of Berman’s proposed Internet ban is not yet fully known, but it is believed that it will require the shutdown of ESPN.com, as well as the complete end to any Internet related communications throughout the corporation. Also, Disney – ESPN’s parent company – will also have to swear off the Internet and encourage children to avoid computers, and lastly, anyone who has ever read Deadspin.com will be assassinated.

“The voting has been pretty close, to tell you the truth,” said Scott, who voted for the Internet ban. “Stephen A. Smith and I are supporting Chris – this company has a long, successful tradition of asking ‘How high?’ when Berman says ‘jump.’ But Scott Van Pelt and Neil Everett are voting against him, so it’s two-to-two, with Linda Cohn still to decide. Who knows how it’s going to end up – I can’t wait to check my email on Friday morning to get the final results.”

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Labels: Chris Berman, deadspin, Disney, ESPN, Linda Cohn, Neil Everett, Scott Van Pelt, SportsCenter, Stephen A. Smith, Stuart Scott

Posted on February 25th, 2008

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Other Related News Items

• Berman family regrets letting Chris deliver eulogy (March 26, 2008)
• Berman proclaims latest nickname best of year (August 15, 2007)
• Tens of people watched ESPN’s "Meeting" (September 27, 2007)
• SportsCenter format changes nixed (May 28, 2007)

Link To This Post

<a target="_blank" href="http://www.serioussportsnewsnetwork.com/2008/02/berman-me-or-the-internet.html" title="Berman: “Me or the Internet”">Berman: “Me or the Internet”</a>

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