Zambrano drops out, endorses Piniella’s managerial candidacy

CHICAGO, IL — Caught up in a case of extreme campaign fever, Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano called a press conference yesterday to announce that he is no longer running for Cubs manager, and instead will be throwing his endorsement and support behind current manager Lou Piniella.

“Today,” a tearful Zambrano told supporters, “One dream will end while another begins. We came up a bit short in our quest, but we opened a lot of minds and changed a lot of hearts. And I am very proud of that.”

Zambrano had initially indicated that he would stick out his campaign until at least Spring Training, but sagging poll numbers and slow fundraising changed his mind.

“Every morning I wake up and look at myself in the mirror and I say, ‘Should this man be manager of the Chicago Cubs?’ This morning, for the first time ever, I wasn’t sure I was right when I said, ‘Yes.’ So I knew it was time.”

Zambrano isn’t sure what his next steps are. He plans to return to Venezuela and continue to prepare for the season.

“I am going to focus on baseball for awhile,” Zambrano said. “Campaigning takes a lot out of you, so I need to recharge my batteries. But I assure you – this is not the last you will hear from me. This campaign may have ended, but my overall vision is alive and well. And that will never cease.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!