Wii Sports added to 2012 Olympic games

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND – At a press conference early this morning, International Olympic Committee President Jacques Rogge announced that several new sports were going to be added to the Olympic Programme in 2012.

“We would like to formally welcome Wii Sports as a part of our olympic competition,” Rogge said, smiling, in front of a crowd of thousands.

The IOC agreed with Nintendo over the rights to use Wii Tennis, Wii Bowling, Wii Boxing, and Wii Golf as part of a quadrathlon and as individual sports in both men’s and women’s categories.

“We felt like it was time to step forward and embrace a new form of physical activity that children are interested in,” Rogge said. “Cause let’s face it, kids just aren’t getting into badminton, hammer throwing, or synchronized swimming like they used too.”

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Also at the press conference was Satoru Iwata, president of Nintendo. Iwata said the company is “pleased that the IOC has welcomed our wonderful console into their family with an open heart. We look forward to many prosperous years together. Additionally – suck it, Sony!”

The vote to include four of the five Wii Sports passed by a 3 to 1 margin, as the committee decided to leave out only Wii Baseball from its new program.

“Baseball is dead to us,” Rogge explained. “All forms of it. Seriously, if baseball was dying on the side of the road in the middle of a desert and I knew no one else would be driving by for days, I still wouldn’t pick it up. I hate baseball.”

However, not everyone on the committee was happy with the discission. “Zes is outrageous!” IOC member Guy Drut said in a silly French accent. “Zes are not sports! Zes are traveztiez!”

Jim Easton, a U.S. representive, elaborated for his French colleague. “Listen, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but if my wife’s eight-year old, mentally-challenged, wheelchair-bound nephew can beat me at Wii tennis every single time, what kind of athletes can we expect to represent the sport at the Olympics?”

In order to prevent the dorkiest, most unathletic Wii athletes from making the Olympics, there are rumors that the events will take place outside, since it is widely believed that many video gamers are allergic to natural light.

Still, most of the responses for the new Olympic sports are positive, especially for parents like Tom Mitchell. “This is going to do wonders for my family,” Mitchell said. “It might finally get my athletic son back on the couch and in front of the TV where he and all children his age belong.”