Simpson’s “Ginormous bozangas” may have been distraction to Romo

IRVING, TEX - NFL commentators are providing a variety of analysis for the many probable reasons for the NY Giants 21-17 NFC playoff victory over the Dallas Cowboys this past Sunday. However, there is one X-factor that clearly overrides all other possible reasons: The controversial decision by Cowboys owner Jerry Jones to allow star QB Tony Romo’s girlfriend, Jessica Simpson, to prance along the sidelines in the very same bikini that she wore in the “Dukes of Hazard” music video.

“As you all know, I am a man of very few mistakes,” Jones said at a post-game press conference. “But I am always a man who owns up to his mistakes. I originally thought that having Ms. Simpson on the sideline would give our team that extra boost of confidence to push through in a tough match-up. However, in hindsight, I believe that the team found Jessica to be just a little too, oh, what’s the word that I’m looking for here…oh yeah, distracting. It’s just that those ta-tas are so hunormous, you know?”

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Never one to mince words, Dallas WR Terrell Owens had this comment: “Oh, yes, I definitely think Jessica was a distraction today, especially to Tony. I mean, how could it not be distracting to have your girlfriend on the sidelines, during the biggest game of your career, mind you, in an orange two-piece swimsuit, those casaba melons practically poking the refs in the eyes, and on top of that, half of your teammates are standing behind her and pretending to smack her ass every time you start to say ‘Hike?’ I’m actually surprised and impressed that Tony held up as well as he did.”

“Look,” said Romo, as the press conference began to come to a close. “I have been dealing with this from the media for some time now, and since the season is now officially over, I want to say this as straight-forward as I possibly can. My girlfriend was not today, nor has she been in any other game came this season, a distraction. Our team lost this game for no other reason than that I simply do not play well in big games, period.”

Cowboys RB Marion Barber agreed fully with Romo, and stated that the Dallas Cowboys had lost the game, because they simply were unable to pull together as a team, and not because of their “massive erections.”