Shula: Patriots not undefeated until they win NCAA Tournament, World Series of Poker

GLENDALE, AZ — Don Shula, coach of the 1972 Dolphins, hastily called a press conference outside University of Phoenix Stadium Thursday morning to make an important announcement about the New England Patriots.

“Even if the Patriots win on Sunday, and complete the NFL season at 19-0, they will not be undefeated,” Shula said. “In my eyes, they will also have to win the NCAA basketball tournament and the 2008 World Series of Poker, if they want to truly be considered undefeated. And even then, that’s like tying us for perfection.”

Shula’s announcement came as a surprise to most, but according to the Hall of Fame coach, teams that have been undefeated in the past – like his 1972 Dolphins – get to change the rules about what it means to be undefeated.

“It’s not a surprise to me that the Patriots didn’t know this,” Shula said. “After all, they are not undefeated. Actually, they’re not even close.”

Pats QB Tom Brady wasn’t thrilled about the obstacles, but did declare that the team will face the challenge head-on.

“None of us want to have this season continue and continue,” Brady said. “But to the extent that this is what we have to do, we are going to get it done. Bottom line – we’re going undefeated. If I have to go heads up against Joe Hachem to make that happen, then so be it.”

Vegas oddsmakers have the Patriots as an even-money favorite to win the NCAA tournament. However, their odds for the World Series of Poker are much longer, at 500-1, nestled between Bobby Bonilla and the dude who made the Paris Hilton sex tape and is now is married to Pamela Anderson.

“We’re not even thinking about the NCAA Tournament right now,” said Patriots head coach Bill Belichick. “We’re gonna take this thing one game at a time, just like we have all year. Once we take care of business here in Glendale, we can start to think about how we’ll match up against Gardner-Webb in the first round in March. And after we run the table there, then we’ll roll the dice in Vegas, so to speak. Now, does anyone have any questions about the Giants?”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!