Randy Moss reportedly tells accuser ‘watch Super Bowl to see real beating’

GLENDALE, AZ — According to inside sources with the New England Patriots, Randy Moss has had several conversations with the woman who accused him of hitting her. “Yeah, Randy talked to her a few times,” said one locker room source speaking on the condition of anonymity. “She continues to insist that he ‘beat’ her, but Randy told me he barely touched her. That’s what he kept saying to her on the phone, too – ‘Bitch, I barely touched you.’” Though the woman and her lawyers continue to demand financial restitution – and Moss continues to equate those demands to extortion – the buzz around the locker room was about something Moss himself said. “I only heard one side of the conversation, obviously, but it seemed like Randy was really on top of his game,” a Patriots teammate of Moss’s told SSNN. “Oh, and the best part – I think it was the fourth time she called him yesterday, but he was starting to get steamed. He was just sitting there on the phone for like three minutes, and then he goes ‘Beating? BEATING?! That was nothing close to a beating. Watch the Super Bowl if you want to see a real beating.’ Then he just hangs up on her and turns his cell off. I was dying; seriously hilarious stuff.” SSNN reached the accuser, but she refused to comment on whether or not she would watch the game.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!