PGA golfer J.B. Holmes changes first name back to John

J.B. Holmes is back to being John Holmes, and he thinks the change will leave a lasting impression on his golf game. In an effort last year to dissociate himself from the famed porn star and improve his marketability, the PGA golfer changed his first name from “John” to “J.B.” The name change seemed like the right move at first, as Holmes won in just his fourth career start and was the fastest golfer ever to reach $1 million. But after struggling the rest of the

year, he regrets the decision and is ready to return to his roots.

Holmes uses the 11 ¼” tees.“With all the attention, I guess you could say I got a big head,” said Holmes, still angry at a high school teammate for talking in his backswing in a match against rival Marion County (KY). “I started out quick, but didn’t finish strong. But this year, I’m going to have the stamina. The name change will allow me to last past the first few events of the year.”

Holmes and marketers alike also think the name change better fits with the golfer’s reputation as one of the longest drivers on tour. “We all know John Holmes is long,” said Cobra Golf spokesman Dane Parsons. “But something about him was missing last year. It was the name. You watch, they’re going to be John Holmes-proofing golf courses in a few years, if you know what I mean.”

Parsons continued that Holmes’ game is more than just the ability to swing the big stick. “What people forget is the guy has great touch around the short grass. His putting has really improved, and he’s finding it easier to get the ball in the hole,” he said.

Last year’s name change also caused great confusion in Holmes’ hometown of Campbellsville, Kentucky. Many local residents did not know “J.B. Holmes” and tuned out the PGA Tour, hoping their hometown hero was doing well on a lower circuit such as the Nationwide or Hooters tours.

“I didn’t know what the heck was goin’ on,” said Becky Winters, 67, taking a break from her Conservative Christian Bible Study Group. “But I’m glad the John Holmes we all know and love is back longer, stronger, and better than ever.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!