Petty to just play Guitar Hero III for Super Bowl halftime

GLENDALE, AZ — This is not your father’s Super Bowl.

Instead of rehearsing an elaborate stage show – complete with countless dancers, multiple songs, fireworks, and the rest – Tom Petty has decided that during Sunday’s halftime show he’ll simply play “Through the Fire and Flames” on his Nintendo Wii, and then walk off the stage.

“I just figured, why waste all that time? Why make everyone sit through an insufferable halftime show again?” said Petty, who is very excited about the game between the Giants and Patriots. “Instead, I’m just going to bitch DragonForce on ‘expert,’ which should be enough show for everyone.”

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Through the Fire and Flames is known for a remarkably complicated note pattern, and finishing it on expert mode is considered (in the Wii/Guitar Hero III community) to be like climbing Mount Everest.

“I have a lot of accomplishments in my career,” Petty said. “Gold records. Platinum records. Grammys. All of that. But there are two things I’ve never done – play the Super Bowl halftime, and prove to the world that I can hammer a 150-note streak. So I’m going to take out both of those challenges at one time on Sunday.”

Petty has announced that he’ll simply be standing in front of a small TV. On the stadium’s JumboTron television, the camera will switch from the note pattern to his fingerwork, and then back.

“This is going to be the most outstanding halftime show in the history of the Super Bowl,” Petty said. “People are going to be talking about what Johnny Napalm does this Sunday for a long, long time.”

Given that the halftime ceremony is actually slated to be about 20 minutes, the NFL has announced that it’s going to fill in the rest of the time by showing a lengthy YouTube video of a bunch of water buffaloes in a fight with some lions.