NCAA Bans Notre Dame from entering non-BCS Bowl Games

After dodging speculation over the past week, NCAA officials finally acknowledged yesterday that they secretly altered bowl affiliation rules shortly after the 2007 bowl season to exclude Notre Dame from non-BCS bowls.

“This officially eliminates any crazy notion that Notre Dame should enter anything but a BCS bowl,” said NCAA President Myles Brand. “I wasn’t too fond of the debate surrounding Notre Dame’s invitation to the Sugar Bowl last year, and thought that if there was any way to mitigate controversy in the BCS, I would do it. Initially, we just didn’t feel this should be public knowledge because it’s really not that big of a deal. ”

In South Bend, Notre Dame officials were counting their blessings. “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, we agree with the NCAA’s decision,” said Notre Dame President Rev. Theodore Hesburgh, who concurrently lowered admission standards for incoming football players. “I’d much rather get blown out in a BCS bowl, than say, the Meineke Car Care Bowl. No matter how we perform on the field, our resume always justifies a BCS bowl - we’re Notre Dame, for Christ’s sake. I’m just glad it’s now in writing.

“As I said in Mass this morning, this would not be possible without all the hard work from Notre Dame’s all-time greatest player, Tradition. God bless the Headless Horsemen, Paul Hornung, Rick Mirer, George O’Leary, and the guy who played Rudy.”

Notre Dame has not won a bowl game since 1994 and has been outscored 115-40 in its last three BCS games. In 2007, the Irish are 0-3 and have failed to score an offensive touchdown. Despite the dismal record, Notre Dame is now guaranteed a BCS bowl berth until the end of time, or as college officials demanded, “until the return of Jesus Christ.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!