NBC/Universal signs $7.5 million deal to air Quidditch matches

UNIVERSAL CITY, CA — Despite the fact that it’s an imaginary sport existing only in a series of children’s books, NBC/Universal and subsidiary NBC Sports announced today that they have signed a multi-million dollar deal with Bloomsbury Publishing and author J.K. Rowling for the exclusive rights to air all future Quidditch matches, should the sport ever actually come to exist.

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“This is a monumental day for us as well as the entire sport, and we’re hoping every fan of the Universal Quidditch Association (UQA) has a big smile on their face after hearing this announcement,” NBC Sports President Dick Ebersol said at a press conference. When the issue of the sport not actually existing was brought up by a reporter, Ebersol offered, “Like any great sport, there will be challenges to face at the beginning, but once we’ve worked out all of the kinks, we’ll be providing Quidditch matches in exciting high definition.”

In the wake of the ongoing Writers Guild of America strike, NBC has been taking drastic measures to try to maintain itself as the leader in the Nielsen ratings, including relaunching the long-dormant American Gladiators franchise and continuing to indulge the Donald Trump series The Apprentice by introducing d-list celebrities to the mix.

“We’re not entirely sure why a company would want to sign the rights to a sport that defies the laws of known physics and doesn’t even actually exist,” said Nigel Newton, Chairman and Founder of Bloomsbury Publishing. “However, we’re also very excited to enter into a lucrative relationship with NBC, and are anticipating seeing what their coverage can do for the sport… whenever it does become a reality.”

Quidditch inventor J.K. Rowling – author of the famed Harry Potter book series – could not be reached for comment, but did issue a statement after the announcement of the agreement saying she is “looking forward to papering the walls of my mansion with American money.”