Mangino to go on all-orange diet

MIAMI, FL — After a mildly surprising 24-21 Orange Bowl win over Virginia Tech, Kansas head football coach Mark Mangino announced his plans to diet by eating only oranges for the next several months. “My plan right now is to just stay on the diet until spring practice starts, but if it really works maybe I’ll stick with it,” Mangino told SSNN. “It came to me after the trophy presentation, when I had all those oranges in my arms. I thought to myself, ‘Hey, these things look pretty tasty,’ and twenty-seven oranges later, a diet was born.” Though oranges are relatively healthy, they do contain a rather large amount of sugar and are short on a number of other nutrients; perhaps most notably protein, of which they have none. In short, they do not come anywhere near providing a well-rounded balance of nutrients – but Mangino is not concerned. “Protein? Oh, I’ve got plenty of that. This may be hard for you to believe, but up to this point I’ve eaten a lot of protein and carbohydrate-rich foods: bacon, steak, butter, steak, bacon – pretty much a laundry list of those sorts of nutrient-rich foods. I figure I’ve got enough of that stored up that I can last on oranges for an awfully long time.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!