Madden sends Favre turducken in hopes of win Sunday

GREEN BAY, WI — Legendary Oakland Raiders coach and current NBC Sunday Night Football commentator John Madden has continued his creepy fascination with Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre days before the NFC Championship.

Members of the mail department at Lambeau Field received what was described as a “suspicious-looking package” early Friday morning. The oddly-shaped parcel, addressed to Favre, was elaborately wrapped in sparkly golden paper and carried a scent not usually associated with standard mail.

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“We used extreme caution in the process of investigating this particular package, especially considering the fact it was addressed to Brett,” said Bert Fleming, head of the Lambeau Field Parcel and Packaging Department.

But fears swirling around the contents of the package quickly subsided as workers were forced to open the box due to safety protocol and consequently read an accompanying, obviously way-too-personal greeting card:

Brett,

John Madden

As vomit-inducing as the greeting seemed to be, the Lambeau staff could do nothing more than chuckle when the unwrapping process revealed a 20 pound “turkducken” hidden below a mound of foam peanuts and dry ice.

“That Madden,” Fleming exhaled. “He’s such a giver. This is the fourth turducken now he’s given Brett. They usually arrive the week of a big game. The first was prior to us beating the Lions in a game on Thanksgiving back in 1994.”

Turducken is a mouth-watering trio of different fowls consisting of an oversized turkey stuffed with a duck which is, in turn, stuffed with a chicken. Rumor has it Madden reserves the esteemed gift for only the league’s most special players, in his view. Whether ’special’ constitutes Madden having a long-time crush on that player is unclear, but is widely suspected.