Madden not that excited for playoffs

PITTSBURGH, PA – John Madden is dismayed today after waking up and finding himself only partially excited for the Playoffs.

“Normally I wake up on one Saturday in January, and BOOM!, the playoffs are here, and I’m excited,” Madden said. “Today, I woke up, and I wasn’t feeling that excited. I don’t know what it was, but I just haven’t been there mentally all day.”

On a normal playoff day, Madden says, he can’t sleep the night before, so he gets up and wanders the streets aimlessly.

“I’ll just keep sort of walking until I find some sort of large animal, and I’ll just wrestle it to the ground, and generally I try and kill that animal and drink a cup of its blood,” he said. “This morning, I found an animal, and I killed it with my bare hands, but I could only finish half of the blood cup.”

Madden’s broadcast partner Al Michaels was worried about his long-time colleague.

“John lives for the playoffs,” Michaels said. “He really lives for them. If you take the playoffs out of John Madden, you take away everything that he has. Normally, on a playoff day, John will call me every twenty minutes between the hours of 4 a.m. and 9:30 a.m., until I answer the phone. Today, he only did it every thirty minutes. Something is not right.”

Madden said there are other things that he normally does on playoff days that he skipped this time as well.

“You know, I mean, I’ve got all these sorts of things, that I like to do, and I just didn’t do them,” he said. “I like to get a bunch of pictures of big football players and just look at their legs and think about how many words I can come up with to describe them. Normally I’ll get, you know, I mean, I’ll get seven or eight. This morning I only got four, unless you count ‘cankles,’ which makes me have five. I also like to say a lot of insanely obvious things about football and life to anyone and everyone who will listen. Although that I did do.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!