KGB ruins Buck’s attempt at “perfect broadcast”

GREEN BAY, WI — In the flash of an instant, Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila came firing around left end, summarily planting Eli Manning on his face and dashing Joe Buck’s shot at a perfect broadcast seemingly at once.

“You know, you work hard your career, you do the right thing, you stay out of trouble, and you feel like one day, all the stars will just align,” Buck said. “I really thought that today was my day. And then KGB came out of nowhere.”

Buck had been spinning a perfect broadcast into the fourth quarter – no errors, inaccuracies, or mispronunciations. He had even pronounced ‘Umenyiora’ correctly twice, early in the game.

“I knew I had my good stuff when I nailed that one,” Buck said. “I mean, I knew I was hot. But then when KGB came around the corner, I tried to decide whether to go with the nickname or the full name. I went with the full name, and the rest is history. You can’t think out there – you just have to react.”

Buck said he was aware he was perfect about midway through the third quarter. “Well, I was really on top of my game, and that’s hard to ignore,” Buck said. “And then I realized that during breaks, Troy Aikman was ignoring me. I kept asking him questions, but he didn’t want to jinx me. So that’s when I knew for sure.”

There have been two recorded perfect broadcasts. Al Michaels got his in 1982 during a Monday Night Football game between the Dallas Cowboys and Washington Redskins, and Bob Costas notched one during a Saturday Blue Jays-Twins baseball game in 1987. John Madden routinely claims that he once had a perfect broadcast, but an SSNN check of his history indicates that his best performance contained 33 errors, factual inaccuracies and made-up words (if made-up words are taken as a part of Madden’s undeniable charm, that number drops to 21).

Aikman said Buck’s effort, though it fell just short, was tremendous to watch. “It was unreal,” Troy said. “He had it all going. Anecdotes. Insight. Even innuendo. It was breathtaking. So he messed up one name. Who cares? You try saying Gbaja-Biamila five times fast.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!