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Jayhawk fans fuel South Beach fast food sales
MIAMI, FL — As the host city of the famed Orange Bowl game since its inception, Miami, Florida has attracted crowds the country over with its warm climate, sandy beaches and, more recently, increasingly attractive and star-studded native population characterized by flat midsections and surgically enhanced mugs. However, this year’s 74th edition of the college football classic may well be remembered for some of Miami’s less obvious attractions and one special group of people who took full advantage for the sake of its football team.
For nearly an entire month leading up to the match up between the Kansas Jayhawks and Virginia Tech Hokies, FedEx Orange Bowl Committee President and Chairman Thomas D. Wood, Jr. and his staff have heard every reason why their decision was the wrong one.
Shortly after the Orange Bowl’s December 2 announcement to go with a seemingly unproven Kansas team, harsh criticism rained down from all corners of the college football landscape, with the epicenter of disgust residing pretty much anywhere but Lawrence. The biggest knock on a Jayhawks team that didn’t play anybody with a pulse until its season finale – when it lost to Missouri – involved the fan base. Uncertainty swirled around whether or not Kansans would follow their beloved birds into uncharted, civilized territory in South Florida.
But now, in the rock, chalk aftermath of a sloppy and surprising upset of the third-ranked team in the land, it is Wood, Jr. and his suddenly shrewd band of citrus cohorts who are more than prepared to fire back at their critics. And it’s not because the previously 11-1 boys in crimson and cream secured their university’s first-ever relevant bowl victory.
“Immediately following our decision to include the Kansas Jayhawks in this year’s FedEx Orange Bowl, we still faced the challenge of quelling our concerns surrounding the Lawrence faithful,” Wood, Jr. said. “We felt confident in the team’s overall mediocre talent level and lack of tradition, both of which have always been staples in the Orange Bowl’s storied history. All we needed now was for the KU fans to have a significant impact on the Miami area, and I think they definitely answered the bell.”
During the course of their abbreviated stay, KU fanatics pumped tons of additional dollars into the Miami economy. Unexpected throngs of proud, blue-feathered bird lovers descended upon South Beach shortly before the dawn of the new year and failed to roll out of town until their dizzying pre- and post-game suckling had reached mountainous peaks.
No food »”>fast food establishment in the area was safe, as what proved to be ravenous teams of empty-stomached natives of Lawrence and the outlying area feasted on low-priced – albeit decadent – dining items usually reserved for those positioned outside the Miami socialite scene. The impact was such that local fast food franchise employees have encountered both physical and emotional stress due to the suddenly increased workload.
“I have never been this busy, ever, and I have been working here for almost three years,” Andrea Coleman, a prominent shift manager at a local Miami Hardee’s said during the climax of one particular lunch rush on the eve of the big game. “Ever since these Kansas people have gotten into town – you know, for the Orange Bowl – we have been packed non-stop. Sure, part of that is because each Jayhawk fan is about three times the size of the average Miami customer; but it’s also a lot of people.”
And Coleman is not the only one who has felt the frenzy of this Midwestern influence on South Florida. Mike Schlesinger works the cash register at a McDonald’s not even a mile from Dolphin Stadium. He says his job qualifications – which don’t include a great deal of focus – have been more than tested as a result of what is being dubbed the ‘Lawrence Massacre.’
“The last few days have been really stressful,” Schlesinger admits. “Usually I just stand behind the counter and take orders, but now they have me pouring sodas and salting up mounds and mounds of fries, all at the same time. I don’t like this. I’ve thought about quitting.”
Despite the constant grumbling of over-exerted teenagers, there are those in Miami who are relishing the temporary presence of this corn-fed cash cow.
Mayor Manuel A. Diaz is ecstatic over the steady flow of economic stimulation as a result of the Kansas invasion. For years, the name of the game in Miami’s restaurant and hospitality industry has been to attract sophisticated, affluent clientele that are willing to spend top dollar for professionally prepared, nutritious food. The Jayhawks are driving up the success rates of businesses that would not otherwise get much play.
“The fact that these Kansans have made the trek south to our great city and displayed complete and utter disregard for their health while stoking our economy is outstanding,” Diaz exclaimed. “I think it speaks volumes for what kind of people they are.”
Whether or not the Orange Bowl-inspired Midwest migration was undertaken for the sole purpose of enhancing the South Beach infrastructure remains unclear. But the enthusiasm with which these rabid KU fans have silenced their most outspoken doubters – including those in the Orange Bowl Committee – and supported their beloved Blue Birds is undeniable. And as a result, they now leave a mess of greasy tabletops and fry-ridden floors in a city that will forever welcome them back with open arms. And that includes Wood, Jr.
“If I had known in the past what I know now, we would have certainly cleared a spot for the University of Kansas to be in the FedEx Orange Bowl many times before now,” Wood, Jr. admitted. “I don’t know what the reason is – whether it’s Coach Mangino behind everything, or if it just boils down to depression and bad genes. But I do know this – if our fast food industry hits a rough spot, you can book the Jayhawks in the Orange Bowl.”
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Labels: BCS, fast food, Hardee's, Kansas Jayhawks, Manuel Diaz, Mark Mangino, McDonalds, Miami, NCAA football, Orange Bowl
Posted on January 7th, 2008
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Other Related News Items
- Self criticizes fellow Jayhawk Mangino for failing to fulfill potential (December 23, 2007)
- Kansas football to scrimmage Chiefs to prove they’re for real (November 9, 2007)
- Mangino eats Mangini in battle over nickname (January 5, 2008)
- KU and Mizzou set to battle for BCS title berth, bragging rights, tractors (November 23, 2007)
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SSNN is not really cool for people under 18 years of age. Seriously, it's profane as all hell.
Mangino is fat, we get it. Lame.
Comment by Steve on January 7, 2008
I heard Mangino goes to the Old Latin Mass? Is that true? Does anyone know if Bishop Timothy Henneberry at Our Lady of Sorrows Church in Miami served him? I heard Bishop Henneberry is an open homosexual bishop, and seems to be involved with the Sin of “Communicatio in Sacris,” is that true? Anyone know that?
As far as football, it is a shame the Orange Bowl is not being used anymore… too bad
Rosa
Comment by Communicatio in Sacris on January 10, 2008