Giuliani endorses McCain for Redskins head coaching job

SIMI VALLEY, CA — Republican presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani endorsed his “friend and fellow Republican” John McCain for the position of head coach of the Washington Redskins on Wednesday, in a move that is seen by many as long overdue.

“John McCain is an American hero,” Giulani told a crowd of tens of Republican football fans. “And I cannot think of another person more qualified to go to Washington, D.C. and be the next commander-in-chief of the Washington Redskins.”

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The Redskins have been searching for a replacement for Joe Gibbs since the Hall-of-Famer stepped down after a disappointing playoff loss to the Seattle Seahawks. Thus far, the team has considered Jim Fassel, Al Saunders, Gregg Williams, Jason Garrett, and a handful of other candidates. Most recently, rumors have centered around former Detroit and San Francisco head coach Steve Mariucci.

“It’s time to change Washington,” McCain shouted as he accepted the endorsement. “Things have been status quo there for too long. We need some new ideas, and we need some new hope. I will bring that hope.”

Giuliani said that he had also thought of himself as a potential candidate for the position, but that he had spoken with Daniel Snyder and they decided together that his strategy for the position wouldn’t work.

“Basically, I told him my strategy for the job,” Giuliani said. “It was pretty simple. First off, I’m going to keep the team safe by reminding them of the constant threat of terrorist attacks from the Dallas Cowboys. Second, I’m going to take them to Florida, and wait there patiently until someone shows up to play us. Then, hopefully, we won’t get our ass kicked by them.”