Tiger Woods going to be a more gracious host on Saturday

THOUSAND OAKS, CA — Citing complaints from some other competitors that Tiger Woods had not shown a great deal of graciousness as a host, the 9-time player of the year is going to take a more hands-off approach as the weekend progresses at the Target World Challenge, which he hosts.

“I’ve decided I’m going to amputate my left hand before my next round,” Woods announced Friday after shooting a 10-under par 62 to take a commanding lead in the tournament. “I’m going to try and amputate the hand tonight, so there’s a chance for the wound to scab up a little bit before the round on Saturday. I don’t want to get blood on my clubs.”

Other players embraced the notion of Woods amputating his hand. “I think it will add some competitiveness to the tournament,” said Jim Furyk, who is chasing Woods by four strokes. “Don’t get me wrong, I still won’t probably win the tournament, but hopefully the one-armed Woods will be a little bit easier to play against.”

The permanence of the amputation was the real challenge of the decision, Woods said. “I mean, cutting off your hand is not like getting a tattoo, or getting married, where you can change your mind later,” he said. “I am going to be one-handed forever.”

Woods said he thought about just trying to play one-handed, but he dismissed that idea.

“I was going to, you know, tie one hand behind my back, or something,” he said. “But I thought that might be insulting to my other competitors. So I am just going to roll the dice and lop off my hand.”

Not all players were huge fans of Tiger’s decision.

“This is vintage Tiger behavior,” said Phil Mickelson. “Everyone knows that cutting off his hand isn’t going to make him any worse at golf. He’s just trying to further embarrass me. So passive-aggressive. It’s sad, really.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!