Salisbury suspended for continued abuse of Clayton

BRISTOL, CT — Sean Salisbury has been suspended indefinitely by ESPN after the former NFL backup quarterback had an altercation with fellow NFL analyst John Clayton last week. Moments after an appearance on Thursday’s evening edition of SportsCenter, Salisbury confronted Clayton near a playground typically reserved for the network’s daycare center.

“Mr. Salisbury demanded that Clayton fork over his lunch money and threatened to give him an ‘atomic wedgie’ if he failed to do so,” ESPN spokesperson Jonathan Greer read from a prepared statement. “This sort of juvenile and abusive behavior is tolerated only from Chris Berman here at the Worldwide Leader, and mediocre analysts like Mr. Salisbury will no longer be permitted to act this way.”

Sources within the network detailed a long history of similar abuse and some suggest it wasn’t a secret. Twice within the past year, Clayton complained to network officials about the harassment to no avail.

Clayton attempted to flee the scene, sources say, but Salisbury caught up to the Seattle native somewhere near the bike racks behind the main building. Details are sketchy as to what transpired after this point, but Clayton was later seen wandering the halls, dripping wet and shivering. Authorities believe Salisbury may have forced Clayton to stick his head into a men’s room toilet while he flushed it repeatedly.

Clayton is at Bristol Hospital being treated for third-degree Indian burns, while Salisbury is home awaiting ESPN’s decision about his future with the network. Salisbury has refused to comment on the matter at the request of ESPN, but did release a brief statement through his agent late Wednesday night – “SALISBURY RULES!”