Radomski files suit for name rights

NEW YORK CITY, NY — Almost immediately after the release of the Mitchell Report on steroids and performance-enhancing drugs in Major League Baseball, former Mets’ clubhouse attendant Kirk Radomski sued Senator George Mitchell, Commissioner Bud Selig and MLB in an effort to have the document renamed the “Radomski Report.” As the primary informant to the investigation and one of the most prolific steroid dealers in baseball throughout the 1990’s, Radomski feels that the report is so dependent upon information he provided that it should bear his name. “Initially it didn’t really bother me that Georgie wanted his name on the report. I mean, it was his baby, really – so why not?” Radomski told SSNN by way of explaining his suit. “But I was hangin’ with LoDuca, getting ready to shoot some– uhh… shoot some pool, and he goes, ‘Listen, K-dog – without you, there is no Mitchell Report. Don’t let ‘em do you like that.’ So I got to thinking… Maybe I should demand more than just immunity from federal prosecution.” Radomski’s suit, filed within minutes of the Report’s release, also asks for Mets season tickets, a lifetime supply of Ballpark Dogs and a gross of hypodermic needles.

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It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!