Patriots sell Jets game film to Iran

NEW ENGLAND and TEHRAN — In a surprise move, the New England Patriots have agreed to sell game film of the New York Jets to Iran’s controversial nuclear program.

“They were looking for something that could instantly harm tens of thousands of Americans,” said Pats head coach Bill Belichick. “Well, we’ve got that – and what’s more, this particular film has the potential to impact millions of people over the course of several months.”

The film is littered with treasonous atrocities that are sure to upset and demoralize Americans, including horribly ineffective play-calling, bad clock management, poor athletic talent and an extreme dearth of hand-eye coordination.

“The video made me want to puke when I saw it,” said Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. “I knew if I felt this way, the damage that it could do to Americans must be unbelievable.”

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell was furious. “As a league we do not condone cooperation with any state sponsor of terrorism,” Goodell said. “As a result, we have fined the Patriots another $500,000. And on top of that we want to punish Iran as well, so that other nations get a warning that we are not to be messed with. So, we’ve slapped them with an ‘unsportsmanlike conduct’ penalty, and they are going to have to start their war with the U.S. Backed up to their own 5-yard line.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!