Knicks to stage mock presidential debate

NEW YORK, NY — Almost as soon as the idea came forth, Isiah Thomas called “dibbs!”

“I got Barack Obama,” Thomas shouted nearly instantly after the New York Knicks decided they would stage a mock presidential debate Thursday night. “We don’t like the federal government poking around our libraries in the red states!”

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The rest of the cast of characters for the mock Democratic debate was decided fairly quickly, with Stephon Marbury choosing Hillary Rodham Clinton as his persona, and immediately announcing that he’s campaigning on a platform of “more playing time for Stephon Marbury.”

“The Constitution makes it very clear in the 11^th Amendment – thou shalt give Stephon Marbury the rock ” Marbury said, apparently uninterested in Hillary’s actual political views. “It was the one right before they let women vote.”

Other participants include Nate Robinson playing the part of the diminutive Dennis Kucinich, Zach Randolph portraying Connecticut Senator Christopher Dodd, and David Lee as “an uglier John Edwards.” The debate, which is slated for the Chester A. Arthur Elementary School gymnasium/lunchroom, will be partially an exercise in team-building, and partially a lesson for the students of the school.

“We wanted to teach our students a bit about the political process,” said Arthur Elementary principal Michael Montanez. “It’s tough to get them to pay attention when Joe Biden is talking about something, though; in that sense I guess they are just like their parents. But when Eddy Curry is rocking his mean Joe Biden impression, something happens. People start to listen.”