Julius Jones lays traps for Marion Barber around Dallas locker room

DALLAS, TX — When Marion Barber III showed up to work on Sunday at Ford Field in Detroit, he was ready to play the Lions. Little did he know that he’d be hunted like one.

“I showed up to the locker room, and I walked over to my locker,” Barber said after the Cowboys’ 28-27 victory over the Lions. “I noticed that there was a large pile of sticks, branches and leaves, which I thought was weird given that we were indoors. So I picked them up, and I found that someone had dug a large pit in front of my locker and was trying to trap me.”

Barber said he instantly narrowed it down to one of two people – either Cowboys starting running back Julius Jones, or elementary school nemesis Robert “Fat Bobby” Martinez.

“I pretty quickly figured that it was probably Julius, for a few reasons,” Barber said. “First, I haven’t seen Fat Bobby since the sixth grade, and I heard he lives in Amarillo now. Second, Julius was standing right behind me with a giant net.”

Barber, who is listed second on the Cowboys depth chart, generally takes over for Jones at some point in the first half of games, and often gets more touches than Jones, as was the case yesterday. Barber had seven carries and ten catches, compared to Jones’ eight and two, respectively. Barber also scored three times.

“Julius has been trying to trap me for some time,” Barber said. “Pretty much once a week at practice, I look down to find a lasso around my foot, and oftentimes it’s tied to a large bull standing on the sidelines. It’s pretty much all I can do to avoid not being dragged down the field by a charging mammal.”

The reason for Jones’ repeated attempts at capturing Barber is rumored to be a bit of jealousy regarding playing time, and Barber’s warm reception by the national media. “I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I’m ‘jealous,’” Jones said. “More like I’m just sort of begrudging of his success.”

“Begrudging or jealous, it matters not,” said Barber. “You won’t see me accepting any Gatorade from Julius on the sidelines. Most of the time when he offers it to me, it’s bubbling.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!