Hot Topics: MLB NFL NBA baseball New York Yankees ESPN steroids Boston Red Sox Chicago Cubs NCAA football

Main Menu

Home	About
Features	Submit
Facebook	MySpace
Friends	NSR
Contact	Mad-Libs
Archives	Gallery
Sponsors	Advertise
Subscribe	Jobs
SCNN	Twitter!
Free picks!

Go to Vividseats.com to get all hard-to-find Sports Tickets, including all NCAA Football Tickets , Basketball Tickets , Baseball Tickets , College Basketball Tickets , Tennis Tickets , PGA Tickets, NASCAR Tickets, NFL Tickets , and Super Bowl Tickets.

Get free NFL picks from PicksNFL.com
Wunderdog Sports is your source for football picks Get free football picks at TopTenCappers.com

Check out EnglishHarbour Network, the best and trusted online casino providing the online slots, table games and other casino games. Visit us for the best online gambling experience and great casino bonuses.

Cheap Sports Tickets
14 major suppliers
mega major $$$ deals
... Sports Ticket Depot.

TOUTHOUSE.COM
NFL Betting Predictions, Free NFL Picks and Current Football Odds

Brett Favre |New Curse

Ticket Solutions
Sports Tickets
NFL
Baseball
Super Bowl
World Series
NCAA Tournament

See the DC United Playoffs with MLS tickets. All your other favorite sports events tickets are also at RazorGator.

Cheap Premium Tickets.com
Get tickets to your favorite sporting events including New York Giants tickets, Pittsburgh Steelers tickets, Detroit Red Wings tickets, Los Angeles Lakers tickets, San Francisco Giants tickets and more.

News Item

Henry Clay settles vicious fantasy league dispute

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A debate that threatened to tear apart the very fabric of the Lindsay Lohan Fantasy Football Association has been narrowly averted, due to a tremendous compromise engineered by noted Senator and diplomat Henry Clay.

“Yeah, the future of the LLFFA was in jeopardy, no question,” said commissioner Robert Center. “There was a bad, sort of no-win situation. One of the combatants wouldn’t speak to me at all, and the other guy was saying that he was going to cut all of his players and quit on the spot. I really didn’t know what to do.”

Follow SSNN on Twitter

Visit SSNN on Facebook

The dispute centered around John Marshall, 22, owner of We Are Marshall, who waived Domanick Davis (on a five-year contract) before the draft, due to the fact that Davis was not on an NFL team. Marshall contended that the move was perfectly legal and that it was within his rights to cut Davis with no penalty, even though he could not deny being the selfsame moron who gave a five-year contract (at $54) to Davis in the first place.

John Mitcham, owner of Mitcham’s Mayhem, did not agree, probably since he is mired in a seven-year contract for Julius Jones (at $66), whom he can’t cut because Jones is still technically on a team, even though he receives only about seven carries per game. To make matters worse, the two owners are bitter rivals and perennial championship contenders – though it’s anyone’s guess as to how given their propensity for miserably bad contracts.

“I was up a creek,” Center said. “No clue as to what to do. Then I thought of Henry. I mean, Henry’s nickname is ‘The Great Compromiser,’ and he’s got a strong reputation for being an extremely fair trader. He practically saved the United States on a couple of occasions, so I figured he could help us through this rough patch.”

Indeed, Clay was able to rise to the occasion. Using the formula that won him so much initial acclaim, he determined that Marshall would be allowed to cut Davis, but that he would pay a penalty of 20 draft dollars. Further, Clay stipulated that Marshall would have to rename his team “The Domanick Davis Nation” for the balance of the season.

“Like every major compromise, neither party is happy and neither is sad,” Clay told SSNN. “But both are satisfied, which is the ultimate result we were seeking. The competitive balance of the league is intact. Mitcham’s Mayhem will be a championship contender this year. The Domanick Davis Nation will have a chance to rebuild, but this chance will not come without a price.”

Clay also announced that he is hoping to tackle some other major LLFFA issues in need of compromise, including whether or not to reward players for touchdowns of 50 yards or more, if tight ends should be allowed as FLEX players, and the all-time debate of whether an auction or a draft is better.

“In every case, the issues are different,” Clay said. “But at the end of the day, the most important factor is ensuring the ongoing sanctity and prosperity of this wondrous institution that we call fantasy football, and the particular instance of that institution known as the LLFFA.”

If you’re new here, you may want to subscribe to our newsletter or RSS feed and get hilarious sports news every day. Thanks for visiting!

Labels: contracts, Domanick Davis, fantasy football, Henry Clay, Julius Jones, Linsay Lohan

Posted on December 20th, 2007

Got a headline idea? Click here to submit it... and be sure to visit our Facebook page!

Other Related News Items

Moorman to attempt position change (February 13, 2007)
Raiders have special plans for McFadden (April 24, 2008)
IOC also strips Jones of steroids-induced mustache (April 14, 2008)
Chipper Jones softball team wins first game of season (July 11, 2008)

Link To This Post

Comments

Be the first to leave a comment on this story below...

Search Our Site

Subscribe to SSNN's Newsletter

Check Out These Classics

Multimedia News

Vertical Soccer

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!

View Multimedia Archives...

Photo Gallery

Visit our Gallery for a full listing of images...

News In Brief

Get Free Sports Picks from: Doc - A 36 year veteran Robert Ferringo Strike Point Sports Allen Eastman Vegas Sports Informer

Want CHEAP sports tickets? From NASCAR tickets to WWE tickets, or Red Sox tickets, Final Four tickets to discount Super Bowl tickets, find great deals on all kinds of event tickets here.

Sports fans may not always be serious about their news, but they're serious about their tickets. For NBA Playoffs tickets or Raptors tickets in Toronto, or Cowboys tickets online, CTC has a serious selection of the best sports tickets on the web. Get NY Giants tickets and sold out Super Bowl tickets too!

Pickspal.com
Football Picks
College Football Picks

MTC Tickets
Sold Out Events Tickets
Justin Timberlake Tour
American Idol Seats
Broadway Theater Tickets
Sold Out Sports Tickets
Hot Concert Tickets
March Madness Tickets

Golf is at its finest with Masters Tickets, while other historically important Sports Tickets like the Kentucky Derby Packages, and NFL Super Bowl Tickets are always hard to come by!