FROM THE ARCHIVES: Strahan’s gap closed

Today, Michael Strahan is celebrating clinching a playoff berth. But just a few months ago, he was focused far more on his teeth than on football…

NEW YORK, NY — One of the most recognizable features of New York Giants star defensive end Michael Strahan has always been the large gap between his two front teeth.

The record holder for sacks in a single season has been trying for years to find a way to plug up the hole that advertising experts believe has prevented him from signing lucrative endorsement deals since he has entered the league. After some creative thinking, doctors finally closed the gap Monday morning and left Strahan feeling like a brand new man.

“When Michael came to us, he presented a problem that left all of us scratcfhing our heads. Never before had anyone tried such a drastic medical procedure,” said Dr. Nick Ramdenagoyovich. “We tried everything from putty to actual ivory from African elephants, but nothing worked. Ironically, the solution was right before my eyes all along –the quarter panel of my 1958 Lincoln Continental! After I had that revelation, everything seemed to fall into place.”

Apparently, the hood of the white vehicle owned by Dr. Ramdenagoyovich possessed nearly the exact dimensions needed to fit Strahan’s gap. In a revolutionary new surgery, doctors soldered the part to the Pro Bowler’s mouth. While Strahan was a little apprehensive about the idea at first, the end result is a smile that will light up all of New York, and just may open wide the doors to the endorsement world.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!